We learn from our holy teachers that the wellsprings of your first blog post must be deep enough to quench the thirst of all future thoughts and ideas. Something elemental yet all inclusive, saying nothing (something) while saying everything.
Our holy teachers have, in the past, described their religious experience in the form of an inner dichotomous dialogue pulling them this way and that. In the words of our holy sages (?), a person should keep in his pockets two pieces of paper, one inscribed with the words "For me the world was created", and in the other "For i am but dust and ashes."
Sitting by the Rosleener's feet for so many years there are so many teachings, but in a more rebbish style then he would like to admit, the Rosleener rarely commits his teachings to writing. So with the limits in place, all i can speak about is my impression of things, but the thought that the Kotzker and the Izhbitzer having sat in the same beis medrash is a thought that should remain close.
I know we already spoke about the existential struggle expressed in the sages teaching, this prescription is not wrong, but i think I would keep those notes and their messages in my overcoat. The one that is in this rosleener's gatkes (kishkes?), so unbelievably close yet so unbelievably far, my two notes contain two very deep teachings. So similar, yet so very different.
Our mother Rivka has a confused child inside of her. The baby can not decide if it prefers the study of Torah or the worship of idols. But Rivka reacts very intensely, questioning her very existence because of her child who could not make up his mind. quite a strong reaction to a child with indecision. God's assurances do not make things clearer. The clarification that in fact two different children were growing inside her, one of which who loved to worship idols and will become an eternal enemy to the jewish people, is more placating than would be expected.
I once heard from Rav Moshe Weinberger from Rav Tzvi Meyer Zilberberg the following interpretation.
one of the tools that the evil inclination engages in is trying to get us to identify ourselves through the sins that we do instead of the good that we do. "Hey big shot, you are now coming to do *******? remember how your were just coming from doing ########? you have no connection to this. It's just not where or who you are." But it is important to remember that man was created with two souls inside of him. An animal soul constantly chasing the world surrounding, and the other a godly soul which can know no tainting and is forever pure. Our identity is defined not by our animal soul, but by our godly soul. We may have fallen but that is never who we are. We come from a place much higher, those sins are accidental characteristics, not essential ones.
Rivka knew the dangers of her child's confusion, and though Esau's path may have been one she did not wish for her child, the fact that it came with tkifut was nevertheless a comforting thought.
The other pocket:
The pasuk in Vayikra begins "Behold the torah of the sin offering..." such an introduction seems grand. Powerful fundamental ideas surely are represented in the sacrifice dealing with the shortcomings of humanity, and "Behold the torah of the sin offering" is the introduction that would deliver it to you. But as quickly as the stage was set, the legs were knocked out from under it, as the pasuk continues "in the place where the olah, ascending (burnt) sacrifice is slaughtered, so to the chatas, sin offering. A grand introduction to basically say 'ibid.' Why the straw man tactic?
Perhaps it is speaking to one of the tools the evil inclination uses to steer us in its direction. The ability of the human mind to suppress, bifurcate and ignore our own shortcomings is quite strong. We cleverly can forget our misdeeds, wholly and completely engross ourselves in the momentary action of good, and ignore the incongruousness of our lives. We fail and refuse to see the relationship between our sin and our ascent.
The pasuk comes to teach us: Behold the divine suggestion in dealing with our own shortcoming. Realize that the sacrifice atoning our sin is not completed in the back alley, or in the privacy and complacent comfort of some other milieu. The place where our sinning is happening is the exact same place our ascent is taking place, and the sooner we can understand ourselves as one organic whole, responsible for our sin as well as our ascent, one individual embodying two contradictory ideals, the sooner we will learn to deal with both halves of our existence in a healthy, mature, respectful and successful way.
